Rhinestones and the Reticular Activating System
Ana Actual wearing her fly headband. Random fact: the root word of 'reticular' is 'rete' meaning 'net.' The RAS is named for its net-like formation in the brainstem. The retina gets its name the same way, from the net-like layer of nerve fibers at the back of the eye. It's all about what you catch and what you let pass through.
I haven't written in awhile and that's because I really wanted to give today's topic the time it deserves. And as I start to write, I can hear Tom Yorke in my head "you have not been paying attention"...as I often feel this way because there's an overwhelming number of things in which I'd love to give my attention. Yet it's not unusual for me to give it away to distractions, like worry or fear. While these feelings can be motivating in their own right, I don't feel that they're as powerful as the energy that comes from love, compassion, or confidence. Emotions like worry or fear are considered negative for a reason...low ROI.
So I meditate daily. I do this to train my RAS-- which is reticular activating system in the brain responsible for filtering the sensory experiences that reach your conscious attention. It's essentially how I practice manifesting, by paying attention and trusting that my creative lens, my RAS, will help guide me. I was a chronic worrier, and the energy that went into that was exhausting...so the idea of shifting this into my desires for building my future self were actually really exciting. Like a two-for-one deal in releasing my unhelpful woes and building a more beautiful future for myself.
When I started doing this, I immediately saw an uptick in my performance life. I booked more shows-- my weekends in December were my busiest ever: alumni show, Naughty Jawn, and I performed and co-produced my first show. More shows meant having creative direction because I knew I was applying rhinestones with a purpose. It also meant some extra cash and a confidence boost. I applied and performed in my first burlesque festival, which had been on my burlesque bucket list for years. I created my Toxic act... I was on a roll....
...and even though I'm not riding that same wave now, I'm not worried. In contrast to last December, I don't have any shows this month. I applied to perform at the BHOF (Burlesque Hall of Fame) weekender and didn't get in. I know there's a past version of me that would have seen this as failure. Yes, I was dramatically upset ("fatally bummed" comes to mind). I could tell myself these are signs for redirection — and sure, maybe — but that framing never quite did it for me. I'd reluctantly walk backwards on my new path, still staring at the old path as if I'll miss a friend I've never met lol. Instead, it's knowing that I am free to channel my energy back to myself. Meditation to train my RAS, and manifesting as my method of exercising it, gets me closer than any reluctance would. I've seen what happens when I pay attention. I know what a wave feels like now. In this way, I know there will be waves — and trusting they'll peak again, that's the real gift.
